you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
