Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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