Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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