I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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