My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
