Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
