I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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