i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
