hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is Oprah even human
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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