I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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