just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
