Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
