I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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