shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
