At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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