She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
