He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
