what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
