yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
