so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
