i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
