I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
