I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
