This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
