I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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