Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
