Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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