he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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