the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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