There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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