things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
