well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
