She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
