I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
