Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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