Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I love having hate sex.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
