I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
