Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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