im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
