I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
