I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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