he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
