Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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