gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
