Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Come see our sink grown plant.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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