Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I understand Curling. That high.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
