I feel great
I just peed on a car
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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