Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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