why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
