Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
