eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
